“Still Here (and Still Hurting)” – Anonymous Camp Leader 

Content Note: Ableism, Sizeism, Fatphobia 

Dear Camp Lead, 

This is my second summer working with Actua and I’m excited to be back—but I also wanted to share something I’ve never said out loud here. I live with chronic pain and I’m fat. And no…fat is not a bad word. 

Every day, I push through both, quietly. 

I’ve learned to laugh off sore knees. To say “just tired” instead of “my spine is flaring.” To carry my body with energy because I’m afraid someone will think I’m not pulling my weight—or that I’m not fit for camp. 

I love this work. I love these kids. But when the job is nonstop movement, when there’s no quiet spot to sit, when the only chairs are too small or too flimsy to trust—my pain becomes the thing I carry in silence. 

And then there’s the body comments. Not from kids—they’re curious, and I can handle that. It’s the casual talk of staff: 
“Ugh, I feel so gross today.” 
“My pants are too tight.” 
“Let me do that.” 

Please remember that inclusion isn’t just about campers. It’s also about your team. 

I need breaks that aren’t framed as weakness. I need chairs that hold me without worry. I need space that doesn’t require me to navigate sideways or squeeze through. I need to be able to ask for adaptations without being expected to explain my body to overshare my whole medical history. 

You can’t see my pain. But I carry it. Please help carry this change.